just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
