Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
