he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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