I wish I only lived at night.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
