I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
