i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
