just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
