It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
