i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
