new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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