My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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