I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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