No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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