So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
