I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
