May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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