have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
