sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
