trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
