Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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