So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
