i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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