im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
