laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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