Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We left an ass print on the piano.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
