I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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