Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am mentally ready for anal.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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