Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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