I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
