Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
