Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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