Buhtt sex?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
