Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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