If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
