tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
