Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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