I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
