don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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