So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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