I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Bring me that man meat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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