Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
