Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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