chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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