ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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