I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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