Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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