laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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