Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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