once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
