If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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