And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
