Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
