she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dude. I can hear the air.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
